"Coming out"

When considering the topic of sexuality and sexual identity, an interesting topic, that can be very difficult for many individuals to deal with, comes to mind. The process an individual goes through to “come out” or inform loved ones that they are gay or lesbian can be the most trying event of their lives. According to Eli Coleman, an individual goes through five stages to complete this process. The stages are as follows: Pre-coming out, coming out, exploration, first relationship, and lastly, integration.   The stages posit that a person will begin by suppressing the feelings of same sex attraction, become aware consciously of the feelings, become involved or interact with other gays or lesbians, develop their first homosexual relationship, and finally, allow themselves to have an integrated self-image which continues for the rest of their lives.

  It is interesting to consider the biggest influence on why a person is hesitant to “come out.” I believe that most of the time it has to do with feeling of shame or embarrassment or worries about what their family members will think once they inform them.  However, I think the biggest reason why some people are hesitant is because of media and societal pressures.  Society can place a stigma on individuals who are homosexual that can be very negative. The pop culture phrase “You’re being gay” said by many adolescents, does not even mean a person is being homosexual, the phrase means that the person is doing something unfavorable. Though it is not legal, many employers can engage in harassment towards individuals who are homosexual simply based on their own prejudices.  The media has portrayed homosexuality negatively for many years, only recently is the stigma starting to lift. However, it hasn’t been lifted enough where homosexuals and heterosexuals are thought of as equals. There are magazines where they heavily stereotype homosexuals, movies, television shows, and so on.  With these influences so large, it is no wonder why individuals are hesitant to “come out.”

Discussion Questions:

1.       Are the five stages that Coleman posits a person goes through to “come out” plausible? Why or Why not?

2.       Do you believe that societal pressures and media are the biggest influence on a person? Why or Why not?

3.       How do you feel about the controversial issue of homosexuality being apparent at birth, or something that develops over time?